It's much easier to not know about things, sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was- especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her life, and then make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours, and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am, and i'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do. Or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.
So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.
This is my life, and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad, and i'm still trying to figure out how that could be.